Does An Abuser Deserve Forgiveness?


by Diane Wilson

Definition: verb abused, abusing. 1. to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one’s authority.

2. to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way

Noun wrong or improper use; misuse: the abuse of privileges.

Every human being on this Earth is born with inalienable God-given rights; no man or woman has the right to take these away from another human being. Those who commit such heinous actions deserve to be punished for it. Crime does not pay, or does it??

All across America, in every state, in every city, in every town, we are seeing the horrific abuse of our most vulnerable citizens; the elderly, the disabled and the children in a country where we once believed we were all free. These crimes are being committed by strangers as well as family members and so-called loved ones and friends.

I grew up in a loving home with two parents who worked hard, obeyed the law, paid their taxes and taught their children right from wrong. We went to Bible school and church on Sundays. I was told that the police were good and would protect you from criminals; that the courtroom was where justice was always served and if you lied on the stand under oath you were committing perjury and would go to jail. I would learn much later in life that those teachings were not true, that the land of the free was indeed not free, that crime paid handsomely and lying under oath despite evidence to the contrary did not mean an automatic jail sentence, not if you were in cahoots with the judge and his cronies.

So I no longer believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny or the tooth fairy. I no longer believe crime doesn’t pay or that justice is served in the courtroom. I no longer believe that America is a free country, free from tyranny and a protector of human rights. Yet I do believe in a much Higher Power, God, our Prime Creator, Master of the Universe. My faith in Him is very strong and completely unshakeable. With that knowledge, I also know that God doesn’t judge us. I know He forgives us when we sin. I know we are here to learn life’s lessons and to learn forgiveness. We need to learn to forgive ourselves and others as well.

Forgiveness is something I am seriously struggling with right now. I applied for guardianship of my mother to protect her, her home and her assets; to make certain that she would always remain in her home and never end up in a nursing home. This was what my siblings wanted for her and what my mother did not want. No one wants that. I was naïve about court. I was unaware that judges and lawyers and other so-called professionals conspired together to play family members against each other in order to gain control of the elderly person’s assets. I was unaware that they all benefitted monetarily from their actions. It took me a long time to forgive myself for bringing this to court in the first place. I know that I saved my mother’s life by doing what I did, but was it ultimately worth it? After all, the last three years of her life were made a living hell under the “watch and care” of the late Judge Joel Asarch, a Nassau County Supreme Court judge; Mary Giordano, an elder care attorney with Franchina and Giordano in Garden City, NY and Anne Recht, a geriatric care manager with AMRecht Associates in Plainview, NY.

“Forgiveness is Divine.” I struggle with that too. I understand what forgiveness means. I understand forgiveness frees you to live life without holding on to anger and resentment. Forgiveness of ourselves and others for the wrongdoings we have caused ourselves or suffered because of another’s actions also has tremendous physical and psychological effects. I am completely aware of this. I am no longer angry at those who took my mother’s life. The judge passed away shortly after my Mom died. I heard rumors that he committed suicide. Was it his guilt? Guilt for sentencing so many others besides my mother to life imprisonment in squalid nursing homes with no hope of ever getting out? Can I forgive him? I don’t know.

Anne Recht went on to get her own home health care license. This allowed her to hire home health aides through her own company and not rely on other home health care agencies. So now instead of insisting that a nursing home was the only way out for a person, as she did in my mother’s case, she now insists that they are better off in their own home. Money always seems to make people change their set of beliefs. Can I forgive her? I don’t know.

That leaves Mary. Mary Giordano is still being assigned guardianship cases of the elderly through her law firm, Franchina and Giordano. From what I have been told nothing has changed. I received a phone call last year from an attorney who wanted to speak to me about Mary and the crimes she committed against my mother. It seems she had a client whose mother had the ill fate of having Mary assigned as her guardian. The daughter did not like Mary at all and did some research on her. She came across all of the stories about Mom. This lawyer was hired to get Mary removed as guardian and hopefully replace her with her daughter, someone who loved and cared about her mother, not a stranger. I spoke with her a number of times and then the calls stopped. I never did find out if her mother was saved from the same horrific fate as my mother.

The most recent case has to do with a friend of Mary’s, Joan Bebry, who was a very wealthy woman. Apparently Mary wrote her will and when Joan died, Mary became guardian of Joan’s disabled son. It wasn’t too long before Mary was removed as guardian and a family member is now in charge. It is now in the courts. From what I “heard”, there was a substantial amount of overcharging on Mary’s part and missing funds. Is that true? What I do know is that the same thing happened in my mother’s case.

So now getting back to forgiveness and the fact that forgiveness is divine. Does that mean that I am not capable of doing what mankind is sent here to do? I struggle with forgiving the people who abused my mother. How do I forgive someone who kidnapped my mother from her beloved home? How do I forgive the person who locked my mother up in a nursing home against her will? How do I forgive someone who knowingly signed off on giving antipsychotic drugs to my mother that eventually killed her? How do I forgive this woman (who was supposed to protect her and follow the law) who committed perjury on the stand against me time and time again, who took her money and her peace of mind, who locked my mother up in her own home with strangers, isolated her from her own family, from her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, who denied my mother the simplest request of a warm sweater when she was cold? How do I forgive her? Can I forgive her? Does she deserve forgiveness?

I know that I can forgive the person and not condone their actions. I teach that to others all the time. I struggle with forgiving Mary for so many reasons, one being that she is not at all remorseful for what she did. I know this because she continues to do the same to others. She never once said she was sorry.

Does an abuser deserve forgiveness? I don’t know the answer to that question.

For those of you who have endured a similar experience, how have you handled forgiveness?

 

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About Diane Wilson

Guardianship must be abolished. This draconian law strips human beings of their civil and humanitarian rights. It is used as a method to dispose of the elderly and disabled, steal their estates, and isolate them from their loved ones.

Posted on January 26, 2015, in GUARDIANSHIP ABUSE and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. My mother, 77, too, has been jailed against her will. She had been restrained and is likely sedated. I’m still trying to learn my way through this maze that started in late 2014.

    While anger and retribution can be vexing to light-heartedness and creativity, the need is to separate one’s self from being the drowner vs the self-rescuer, so to speak. I cannot, will not forgive.

    Mom has been and is being used as a toy by my pyscopathic sister and an enabler brother as I see it. There are not two sides of historic quarrels to this story; no “family dynamics” bs. They know what they can get away with and are resolute to deal with Mom’s being a victim of “religious” exploitation and fanaticism amidst the onset of dementia. Truly, I do not know Mom’s exact condition because they will not tell me. They do not return calls or emails to this effect because I did not cooperate with their plans to “disposition” (my brother’s word) my mother.

    Mom shall perhaps become a martyr – she gave all including herself to make the world a better place. Her toil, admittedly, in later life consumed her ability to keep her living space uncluttered but my sister and brother adamantly refused to find a compassionate and servile way of handling the matter. They misrepresented the habits and character of Mom and had her kidnapped to and isolated in the modern day equivalent of (as I see it) the insane asylums of yesteryear.

    Her hellish prison will not allow me to call Mom or Mom to call me. I live nearly 1,000 miles away so a visit is not realistic, if I could even do that. It will not allow her to be represented or to carry out her own wish of being cared for by my wife and myself in our paid-for home driving our paid-for old cars. (I was accused of seeking money while my sister is soaked in debt; my brother recovers from the financial effects of a nasty divorce but otherwise lives quite well on his fireman’s pension.)

    So, no, never forgive – ever. The exception would be if they truly repented of wrong and were truly of a new mind, heart and spirit. But. You likely would never know if that’s indeed the case as these characters are: actors, con artists and socially psychopathically sweet to peers and the community who aren’t savvy enough to sniff deceit and misrepresentation when presented to them.

    These scourges (mis-guided guardians) of human existence tend toward influencing others via wealth gained by honest work up front that out back conceals the dishonest, artificial and vile means of plunder of others all through the years.

    In their last days when their strength and mind fails them, let God sort them out but run from doing the job of redemption yourself. Run from the task forever and do not turn back!

  2. Forgive? Then what? Partner them with your finances, give them POAs and assign them executor to your will? No thanks, never that kool aid for me. Abusive and pillaging guardians are satanic. We are never told to forgive satan but that he will be cast into hell forever. I realize we are talking human beings but you will know them by their fruits – or their desolations.

  3. Adult Protective Services are useless in our area…Our dad had Alzheimers and we had a brother (and his wife) who literally kidnapped our father. Secluding him from all family and friends. We had to get police to help us enter our dads home for a welfare check, and windows were butcher paper over with duck tape and he was told he was not allowed to look out. Police stated since he was a grown man they could not do anything, but for us to tell APS – we reported it…along with it being 113 heat index outside and he had no AC on inside – when I turned it on, he cried and said he was going to be in trouble (bad brother and his wife were not present at the time). He also had no food in the house…my dad was a happy man, he fought in WWII – Iwa Jima -Japan and worked over 40 years for Humble Oil / Exxon…He was strong and our hero, now we have two brothers who have striped him of all his dignity and love of family. APS stated they ‘checked’ on him and he was fine. After our dad died, law enforcement was involved because there were unusual marks on his arms (tie down marks)…the detective handling the case advised us that no one -(APS) never contacted them to do investigations on them…which is mandatory!

  4. Not surprised that another person was a victim of Mary Giordano. My grandfather Richard Maass and your mother Dorothy Wilson are not the only ones. As for forgiveness it’s almost impossible to forgive unless or until the abuser is willing to admit and apologize for the crimes they committed. In Mary’s case she still refuses to send me a final accounting of my grandfathers estate; she refuses to tell me what happened to my mothers jewelry. I get hung up on when I called ( I gave up calling ). Those things are minor in comparison to kidnapping my grandfather from his home and leaving him to die with out proper care in a hospice or palliative care in a nursing home. All those involved in my grandfathers neglect–Mary Giordano, Anne Recht, Judge Asarch (who passed away), my cousin who stole alot of my grandfathers funds and personal belongings, plus several others whose actions caused the chain of events leading to my grandfahers kidnapping nightmare, as of now none of the abusers have asked for forgiveness or admitted their wrongdoing. What is needed is justice. They must be held accountable for the crimes they commited. Thank you everyone who does care and are doing what they can to seek justice.

  5. I haven’t dealt with it I am too busy seeking justice for my parents and trying to save Dad for 8 years now.
    http://www.eldermurderabuseandexploitation.blogspot.com/2014/02/1-elder-murder-abuse-and-exploitation.html

    But I do know this for sure, these abusers have broken every one of the 10 Commandments from their criminal acts. What does anybody think is going to happen to them?

    I won’t be like Lot’s wife and look back. They were warned!

    Thanks for the article.

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